Not at all timely but here they are....
New Olympic Competitions
By Howard Gazelle
Curling? Skeleton?? Ice Dancing??? If I ran the Winter Games these events would be gone and some new events would take their place. That's right appoint me president of the IOC and NBC's sagging ratings will be extinct like the dodo.
* Running across Thin Ice While dodging Midgets with Clubs
I imagine any country with a lot of frozen lakes and a plethora of vertically challenged peeps would have an advantage in this sport in terms of training. But leave it to US to digitally create some pint-sized people for training purposes. Favorites: Iceland
Downhill Skiing Pairs
They have figure skating and Luge pairs, why not skiing pairs?!? There can even be two different competitions: Three Legged Downhill and Piggyback Downhill Favorites: Germany
* Whale Blubber Eating
Here in the States Competitive eating makes frequent appearances on ESPN. Why not combine this slobfest with the culinary delights of whale blubber. Favorites: Canada
* Cross Country SUVs
Rev up your gas guzzler and get ready to go for the gold thru the snowcapped Italian Alps Favorites: USA
* Yellow Snow Competition
Each team member drinks a six pack of their favorite brewski every hour whichever team has the least amount of yellow snow wins! Favorites: Mexico
* Swimming
Are you like me your tired of those glistening and shaved bodies stroking their way to summer gold in Olympic sized pools. Let's move swimming to the winter games and have competitors swim in penguin like conditions. Favorites: Whichever country is hairiest!
I imagine any country with a lot of frozen lakes and a plethora of vertically challenged peeps would have an advantage in this sport in terms of training. But leave it to US to digitally create some pint-sized people for training purposes. Favorites: Iceland
Downhill Skiing Pairs
They have figure skating and Luge pairs, why not skiing pairs?!? There can even be two different competitions: Three Legged Downhill and Piggyback Downhill Favorites: Germany
* Whale Blubber Eating
Here in the States Competitive eating makes frequent appearances on ESPN. Why not combine this slobfest with the culinary delights of whale blubber. Favorites: Canada
* Cross Country SUVs
Rev up your gas guzzler and get ready to go for the gold thru the snowcapped Italian Alps Favorites: USA
* Yellow Snow Competition
Each team member drinks a six pack of their favorite brewski every hour whichever team has the least amount of yellow snow wins! Favorites: Mexico
* Swimming
Are you like me your tired of those glistening and shaved bodies stroking their way to summer gold in Olympic sized pools. Let's move swimming to the winter games and have competitors swim in penguin like conditions. Favorites: Whichever country is hairiest!
No comments:
Post a Comment