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Article Three: F. the R.E.

By Jon Chattman

Hulk Hogan still does it. Ric Flair does, too. Even though they shouldn't, Sgt. Slaughter and Shawn Michaels continue to dabble in and out of it. Yes, for whatever reason, despite being well into their 40s and 50s, these wrestling stars continue to grapple in the squared circle on a semi-regular basis. The members of the now decade-old Extreme Entertainment Wrestling (EEW) are no different.

Although they're all on the cusp of or well into their 30s, the approximate 10 member organization is still going strong. As a matter of fact, the company is currently at the height of its success. Ironically, EEW is doing it all without the key component that put it on the map: wrestling. These days, EEW is more like EEE: Extreme Entertainment Entertainment. But before we get into the present, let's take a brief look back: As the story goes (it's almost folklore at this point), EEW is the brainchild of New Rochelle native The Sweater Pimp, a now 29-year-old nursery school teacher, who used to resemble a fourth Beastie Boy but has grown his hair out to loom more like a dysfunctional sixth Backstreet Boy.

It all started on one evening at a camp softball game in Dobbs Ferry. Pimp, then a prepubescent dick, thought of a novel idea: why not play wrestle in a fun way (EEW is an injury-free organization that puts the "play" in "play" fighting) and compete with the rival World Wrestling Entertainment (then the WWF - World Wrestling Federation) and the now defunct WCW and ECW? His idea worked. Soon enough, he rounded up friends from the camp they all worked at (Elmwood Day Camp in White Plains - EEW used to stand for Extreme Elmwood Wrestling but changed after they vacated the camp in 1999.)

Founding members include Big Daddy Dom, a now IBM specialist and hairy Italian from Yonkers, P. Daddy Justice, a teacher and other Italian from that city, and Brian "Prime Time" Rosa, a now restaurant entrepreneur who also resides in the Queen City. Mama Agostino, Dom's mom who cooks a mean stromboli, and El GiDante, a dead-ringer for Elvis Presley, were also responsible for EEW taking flight. Up until last year, the latter had been missing in action, but we'll get to how he was lost and found (and then lost again) later. Throughout the late 90s, EEW continue to grow. Events were held from exotic locations like New Rochelle 's now-infamous Fern Street, where most "Pay-Per-Views" were held, to Jones Beach . Who could forget the "Bash at Jones Beach " of 1998 when member Big Daddy Dom arrived with non-EEW member Max Steiner, and "The Higher Naliboff" made his presence known? Naliboff, another early EEW member, threw on an Ultimate Warrior mask and circled around the Sizzler parking lot in the Yonkers-based Cross County Mall prior to the beach before revealing his true identity. In addition to destinations (throughout the years, EEW also held events in such diverse places as New York City clubs, dinky Port Chester, N.Y. bars, and Montreal), EEW's talent roster expanded. EEW welcomed Krimson, a long-haired/now short-haired wrestler who wears a Punisher shirt and eye make-up; The Big Joe, former Intercounty Champ who demands for referees to 'ring the bell' even though EEW has never purchased a bell, and The Masked Furchest, a silent bare-chested grappler who wears a neck brace although X-Rays have subsequently revealed it's unnecessary. And, it's important to note, Sweater Pimp and Krimson created EEW's most famous and successful tag-team: The Cookiesheet Posse.

"EEW's defining moment was when Sweater Pimp and Krimson won the tag team titles for the first time at OLVA because it was one of the few times we actually had an audience and got positive feedback for our silly antics," Krimson said. In addition to those "original" members of EEW, the roster included The Kommish, a sweater-vested young man who often notes he "takes part in EEW for one simple reason...I hate meeting women;" ; K-Pac, a hardcore legend from a now defunct wrestling organization; Chip "the Bruiser" Barone, a now legendary wrestling jobber; "Stone Cold" Steve Sposili, a goateed-hardcore god who went on to hold several titles and was "screwed" out of possibly another one; Plotkin, a hardcore 12-year-old lesbian from Manhattan, and Vinnie From the Bronx, who became the voice of EEW and lead commentator despite mispronouncing the word parakeet for parrot-keet in his lukewarm debut in the fall of 1999.

With top talent, and events held regularly, EEW drew the attention of an aspiring writer nicknamed "Scoop" that year. The writer, who at the time worked for a now destitute weekly newspaper , penned a story about the legend of EEW, and the floodgates, almost immediately, opened. A second newspaper article arrived in 2001, and before long, EEW began advertising their events, created merchandise, and welcomed even more talent like International superstars El Feardoe and Mr. Masimoto. "Our defining moment was when El Feardoe became EEW Heavyweight Champion when he beat the Masked Furchest in front of a packed house in NYC's Velvet Lounge," Sweater Pimp said. The Big Joe concurred.

"The defining moment in EEW, other than the Sposili screw job, would have to be the signing of El Feardoe to the EEW roster," he said. Adding to that, Vinnie from the Bronx said, "Mr. Masimoto has become the biggest Japanese import America has ever had." As far as other talent, Gay Tonto, an effeminate Native American who fans refer to as the champion of their hearts, and Straight Albert Yankovich, an ex-con who is escorted to the ring (err, backyard) by his parole officer Major Sac, who is also referred to as Officer Sac, Major Sox, or Purple Sac, were embraced by EEW as well. And speaking of purple, who could forget the debut of that lovable purple masked man Kuklis? And speaking of muscles, who could forget what a giant impact Brutus Butplug has had in EEW. Butplug, a physical specimen to behold who currently holds the gold and serves as the organization's acting CEO (Sweater Pimp still holds that title), has the longest reign of any EEW champ.

"He's the best champ we've ever had. Oh, and by the way, I can feel the Butplug anytime I want," Vinnie from the Bronx explained. Before long, fame inspired EEW to branch out into the digital age. In 2003, Vinnie from the Bronx , who as many know is originally from Queens , resided in Yonkers , and moved to Bronxville in recent years, started up EEW Films by debuting music videos of EEW stars. Keith Hernandez, the infamous New York Mets first baseman, was so enthralled by the organization at that time, he joined up signed on immediately to host the public access show "Keith's Korner," which garnered a 2004 Emmy.

"I helped kick start EEW into the new millennium or was it the old millennium?," Hernandez commented. "Before I arrived, EEW was a low-budget wrestling robot. I have turned it into a highly expensive fast-growing machine like Kevin McReynolds on a chilly November afternoon." "Ain't that right," he added, "Fran." All of this helped lay the foundation for the 2004 EEW film "Beyond the Cookiesheet: An Extreme Entertainment Wrestling Retrospective," a two-and-a-half-hour epic documentary by Chattarantino Films, which brought fans inside the minds and, in some cases beds, of EEW's finest. That film, which was highlighted by the long-awaited return of El GiDante and a harmonic sad piano score, brought in even more fans to EEW. The film's success inspired a sequel earlier this spring, which changed the direction of the organization for good. "Beyond the Cookiesheet II: The Return of My Asscheeks," was heralded by critics as a "masterpiece" because it dropped wrestling from its repertoire in favor for ambitious vignettes and artistic short films. Why did EEW drop wrestling? Sweater Pimp put it simply, "because my parents never go on vacation anymore." Adding to that, Butplug said, "Because no one wants a piece of the Butplug."

Taking a different approach, The Big Joe said the wrestling has ended simply "because we all feel old" while The Kommish noted "the wrestling has stopped because Bert got way too stiff." As for "The Farahkeet" Farah, an irregular EEW announcer, he "thought it was already over." Big Daddy Dom, on the other hand, doesn't buy that EEW has nixed wrestling altogether. "It's real, man," he exclaimed. "It's blood, sweat, and cookie sheets. It's going to be in business as long as we have a backyard, cellar, and strombolis!"

Moving on, highlights of "Cookiesheet 2" included the re-debut of Sposili, who recently was named EEW Commissioner and defeated Jesus Christ for the Hardcore Title (Sposili , and the film "Beyond the Gorilla Suit: Dick in the City," an engaging and powerful story about a young Hairy Dick touring the Big Apple for the first time. "Who else would let me wear a gorilla suit and Richard Nixon mask and walk around Chinatown and SoHo in the middle of August?", Sweater Pimp rhetorically asked. Getting serious, Sweater Pimp said, "I think the DVD revolution in EEW is genius. I believe the BTCS parts I and II have set the standard." "The DVD revolution has started opening the door to a whole new crew of fans," The Kommish explained. "Actually," he continued, "it didn't because the same people watch it each time. Well, it has allowed EEW to become more creative and explore new characters, plus it is easier than rewinding videos." Adding to that The Big Joe offered, "The last production was really good. I think it was called "'Jon and Alison's Wedding.'" If "Cookiesheet 2" had a downfall, it was the ill-conceived debut of Graham-a-Mania. And, that brings us up to speed with EEW. Yes, the sky is apparently the limit for these 20 and 30-somethings who are living out their dreams and glory.

Sure, talent has come and gone (Erazmo the Clown, SSD, Chip the Bruiser and Naliboff and Rosa went the way of the buffalo), and wrestling is off the EEW menu, but the organization is still standing. As a matter of fact, last month, Jonnie Bar Mitzvah (Vinnie From The Bronx's alt-ego) and an unmasked Gary Perkowitz commentated another federation's promotional event. With that crossover, movies, and unstoppable promos and characters, EEW is here to stay. "Until [they] are old and in walkers," former EEW participant "Lizetta" said. "Even then," she quickly added, "I think [they'll] use the walkers in the matches." As for The Big Joe, he theorized, "EEW [will] continue for as long as Richie can come up with gay characters for us to be." Sposili figures "with Team Butplug firmly entrenched as the rightful superstars of the federation, popularity will only increase." Getting nostalgic, Sposili recalled, "The first time I won the title is something I'll never forget. I knew I had truly made it. These days, EEW is a franchise just now hitting its stride." When asked how long EEW will be around, Sweater Pimp also took a nostalgic approach. "EEW has meant so much to so many people," Sweater Pimp said. "We can finally say that we are a close second behind that other promotion based in Stamford , Conn. " He continued, "If you were to tell me that we would be doing this for so long, I would have said you were nuts," he said, clearly pinching himself. "If it goes on forever or simply ends tomorrow, I would be fine. The fact that we have been able to do this for ten years is truly amazing." And, he said, either way, "the future looks bright for EEW Films. Just think our fans can finally have the Best of Nasty Nick Norton to add to there shelves!" And, as to why EEW now more popular than ever, The Kommish and Farah weighed in. "I see EEW becoming a real piece of Americana and continuing way into the future, because people will always need help with their drinking problems. Wait that's AA...I think EEW is on its last legs, and lets say another two years before we realize we are 30 and play wrestling." Farah seemed more optimistic. "Because it's a big mystery like 'Lost.' Is everyone really fake wrestling in suburban Westchester or is Plotkin just dreaming it? You decide," he said.

While EEW's future is bright, the answer to that age-old question "What's a Plotkin?" is a bit dim. "I don't think anyone truly knows the answer to this one," Sposili explained. "Perhaps we should have an examination done to see if the scientists can classify that one. In terms of EEW, a Plotkin is a title-less thug at best." Or, as Farah said, it's a "boy-man that never grows up and never gives in."

Cue the Sad Piano: "Cookiesheet" documentary set the standard By Jonnie Bar Mitzvah When film connoisseurs look back to the year in cinema 2004, they'll likely forget most of the movies released. Aside from "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," "Million Dollar Baby," and "Kill Bill Vol. 2," few inspired last year. But alas, there was a saving grace: the resurgence of documentaries.

The 2004 pack of documentaries were quite impressive. Looking beyond the controversy, Michael Moore's "Fahrenheit 9/11" was a landmark piece of filmmaking that did everything a good film aims to do: it made moviegoers think and talk about it long after they left the theater. On a smaller scale - no pun intended, Morgan Spurlock's "Super Size Me," also made audiences think: not about George W. Bush but about whether or not they should take a bite out of a Big Mac. Moving on, you didn't have to be a fan of Metallica to enjoy "Some Kind of Monster." But, perhaps one documentary stood out among the aforementioned: a film that didn't feature a draft dodger, carbs, or visits to rehab. What it did include, however, was a delightful mix of action, comedy, and yes, cookiesheets. "Beyond the Cookiesheet: An Extreme Entertainment Wrestling (EEW) Retrospective," was a terrific documentary about 20 and 30-somethings who for whatever reason decide to play fight/wrestle in various venues. The film starts off with a bang with EEW "icon" Big Daddy Dom introducing fans to the film, and warning kids next door not to "try this at home."

The film, which was directed by Jon Chattman and Rich Tarantino, gains more momentum by reintroducing former grappler El Gidante to its fans as the movie's host. After helping start up the organization, El Gidante unexplainably disappeared from the EEW scene for nearly a decade. Now 29, the big man made quite an impressive film debut guiding audiences through more than four parts of the film. The first segment is devoted to highlights of EEW's matches put to music. Nothing beats seeing Chip "the Bruiser" Barone fighting off arch-nemesis the Sweater Pimp to the tune of Air Supply or the one hit wonder Vinnie from the Bronx has with his "Vinnerooni." Grappler Gay Tonto shedding his "gayness" and becoming the Big Joe in a contract on a pole match is another standout. The next parts are picture perfect: "promos" and "gimmicks."

A bright spot comes in the promos portion where Straight Albert Yankovich makes his debut in the organization claiming that he, indeed, did not tear off a parakeet's head. Other highlights: a long-haired Kommish introducing international superstar Mr. Masimoto, SSD and Mexican import El Feardoe flexing, and the emergence of Erazmo the Clown. The final part of the film, EEW's "legacy," is a powerhouse albeit it runs about 80 minutes too long. EEW stars from past and present reminiscing about the "good old days" is something to behold. Whether you were a part of EEW or not, it's hard to hold back the tears as a moving piano score is played. Overall,

"Beyond the Cookiesheet" is a landmark documentary that sets the standard in the industry. It's a cinematic experience that you will treasure for the rest of your lives. It also quenches the thirst for those fans who have longed for a Hootie and the Blowfish concert film or "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" prequel. The film is currently available on EEW DVD. Its hit sequel "Beyond the Cookiesheet II: Return of My Asscheeks" will arrive on DVD shelves this fall. With "Beyond the Cookiesheet III" currently in development, this franchise could rival Peter Jackson's infamous "Lord of the Rings" and the finest trilogy the world has ever seen.