Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Stache of the Day

Don Cheadle goes bert in his upcoming flick "Talk to Me." He also sports an incredible afro, and for that Mr. Cheadle, you're our bert of the day.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Yo Adrian...


I did it.... Sylvestor Stallone accepting his Jonscar for Best Comeback in "Rocky Balboa".

a stab at the Oscars... Feb 25, 2007


here goes nothing


predicted winners


picture: little miss sunshine

actor: whitaker

actress: mirren

supporting actor: arkin

supporting actress: hudson

director: scorsese

original screenplay: sunshine

adapted screenplay: departed

animated feature: cars

art direction: pans labyrinth

foreign language: pans labyrinth

animated short film: maestro

live action short film: west bank story

documentary: an inconvenient truth

documentary short: rehearsing a dream

cinematography: pans labyrinth

makeup: pans labyrinth

costumes: dreamgirls

song: listen, dreamgirls

editing: united 93

visual effects: pirates

sound editing: iwo jima

sound mixing: dreamgirls

score: babel



archive: Rejected Holiday specials

LAST YEAR'S BEST OFs - Archive


2005... a year in film:
Can I get a big yawn, please?
By Jon Chattman

This year, I faced the music. I've been putting it off for years even though I knew it to be true. I'm a film lover, arguably a connoisseur when it comes to the genre, and nothing gets me more excited than to escape the daily grind via a dim-lit theater showing a great flick. But, 2005 along with recent years has only made it more abundantly clear that the television medium has now surpassed film. I see roughly 80 films in the theater each year, and an approximate half more on DVD, and it was a struggle to pick my top ten best films of the year. If you were to ask me to come up with ten best shows on television, I could do it without blinking: "Curb Your Enthusiasm," "24," "Lost..." heck, I'd even have a problem limiting it to ten. Yes, films as of late have been just about as inspired as a Sheryl Crow formulaic ditty. For every "Walk the Line," there seemed to be ten "Guess Who's" waiting in the wings. In any event, I digress to bring you [cue the drum roll] my various top ten film lists of 2005. Most of the flicks were ho-hum, but a few, proud stood out.

Ten best films of 2005

10. "Match Point"
Woody Allen finally breaks out of Woody Allen mode with this terrific against-type sensual thriller set in England and starring rising stars Jonathan Rhys-Meyers and Scarlett Johansson.
9. "The 40-Year-Old Virgin"
Comedies rarely gain recognition from Oscar voters, but not in my book. This hilarious romp was more than simply an adult sex comedy. Steve Carell bumped himself to leading man status, and the film provided a lot of heart to go along with those crude jokes and gags. This and the nearly equal side-splitter "Wedding Crashers" thankfully brought back the near-obsolete R-rated comedy genre.
8. "The Squid and the Whale"
Jeff Daniels delivers the finest performance of his life as a selfish and elitist father in this raw dramedy about divorce. Laura Linney is equally superb.
7. "In Her Shoes"
This Cameron Diaz/Toni Collette film about sisters never once entered the syrupy waters most romantic comedies and "chick flicks" do. Shirley MacLaine is at her best (and most restraint.)
6. "Batman Begins"
Christian Bale is the best Bat yet, and director Christopher Nolan breathed new life into a franchise Joel Schumacher single-handedly killed.
5. "Proof"
This little-seen gem about father and daughter mathematicians (based on the award-winning play of the same name) featured the finest performance of Gwyneth Paltrow's career. Hopefully, it'll catch on with its DVD release.
4. "Crash"
This gritty drama about race relations featured the best writing (Paul Haggis) and acting ensemble of the year led by Matt Dillon and Thandie Newton.
3. "King Kong"
Yes, it's very long, but Peter Jackson has created the best monster movie ever: full of heart, suspense, and drama. Naomi Watts delivers a fine performance as the object of the beast's affection.
2. "SinCity"
Stylistically, it's off the charts. Thankfully, Frank Miller's dark story holds up as well. The film features one fine performance after another, but Mickey Rourke's Marv steals it.
1. "Good Night, and Good Luck"
In crisp black and white, George Clooney elevated himself by directing, writing, and starring in this smart, near-flawless film about journalist Edward R. Murrow taking down Communist chaser Sen. Joseph McCarthy.


Just missed:
"Wedding Crashers"
"Pride and Prejudice"
"North Country"
"Rent"
"Walk the Line"
-30--

Ten worst films of 2005

10. "The Bad News Bears"
An unnecessary remake which adds nothing to the original... well maybe a few more curse words.
9. "The Ice Harvest"
This wanna-be "Bad Santa" is too dark and unfunny for its own good.
8. "Must Love Dogs"
"Must-hate Movie." This formulaic romantic comedy strikes out more often than Jason Giambi.
7. "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
I don't know what's more embarrassing: the fact it took decades to bring this lame film to the big screen or that I actually paid to see it.
6. "The Fantastic Four"
Cheap effects and a terrible script make for a sub-par superhero flick. There's more entertainment in "
5. "The Ringer"
Johnny Knoxville shows some promise in this film, but for the most part this movie about a man who pretends to be mentally challenged in order to rig the Special Olympics is just plain wrong and worse: unfunny.
4. "Elektra"
It's no wonder Jennifer Garner didn't do any press for this film. It accomplished the unthinkable: it was worse than "Daredevil."
3. "Rumor Has It"
I'm noticing a trend in 2005: really bad romantic comedies. This film about a family loosely based on "The Graduate" is as painful to sit through as most of director Rob Reiner's films have been this decade.
2. "The Dukes of Hazzard"
Come back to us, Tom Wopat. Even Jessica Simpson can't save this horrific film based on the equally corny but so-much-better series.
1. "Broken Flowers"
Don't believe the hype. This Jim Jarmusch mess about a man (Bill Murray) who discovers after two decades he has a kid, is a complete, and unearthly boring drama.

Other top tens...(in brief)
Ten best performances
10. Mickey Rourke- "SinCity"
9. Toni Collette- "In Her Shoes"
8. Philip Seymour Hoffman- "Capote"
7. David Straithairn- "Good Luck And Good Night"
6. Charlize Theron- "North Country"
5. Matt Dillon- "Crash"
4. Juaquin Phoenix- "Walk the Line"
3. Gwyneth Paltrow- "Proof"
2. Reese Witherspoon- "Walk the Line"
1. Heath Ledger- "BrokebackMountain"

Ten biggest disappointments (Not nearly as good as believed it'd be)
10. "March of the Penguins"
9. "Syriana"
8. "Munich"
7. "Corpse Bride"
6. "BrokebackMountain"
5. "Elizabethtown"
4. "Cinderella Man"
3. "Jarhead"
2. "The Producers"
1. "Broken Flowers

-30-

last years oscar predictions - archive


Top of the "Mountain"
Academy will giddy-up for cowboy drama

By Jon Chattman
FEBRUARY 17, 2006 - On March 5, the Oscars will hand out a bunch of gold guys to a movie about two homosexual cowboys. Yes, as Kevin Millar might say, look for the Academy to "cowboy up" and reward Ang Lee's "BrokebackMountain" with at least three wins: the coveted Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Adapted Screenplay. Having said that, history has proven anything's possible with the Academy Awards. Will "Crash" derail the "Brokeback" bandwagon? Will Felicity Huffman upset Reese Witherspoon? Will two character actors (Philip Seymour Hoffman and Paul Giamatti) finally be rewarded with some gold? We'll shall see. Here's our bold predictions of the winners come Oscar night.

BEST PICTURE
Dubbed a landmark film that will pave the way for future moviemaking, the highly-touted "BrokebackMountain" will easily pick up the Oscar. "Crash" stands the best chance at an upset, but it's not likely. Ditto for "Capote," "Good Night, and Good Luck," and "Munich." "Good Night, and Good Luck" and "Capote's" nods were an honor in itself. And, the little seen "Munich" was far from Spielberg's best work. Bottom line: While "Crash" deserves it, Oscar will climb the "Mountain."

BEST ACTOR
Take away Jamie Foxx's win for "Ray" last year, and "Walk the Line's" Joaquin Phoenix would've been a lock. But, Oscar will likely steer clear of a back-to-back victory for a music-themed movie. That said, they won't shy away from awarding an Oscar for another bio-flick. Philip Seymour Hoffman's embodiment of "Capote" will finally land the actor the recognition he's deserved for a decade. Phoenix poses the best threat for an upset, but don't be surprised if "Brokeback's" Heath Ledger or "Good Night's" David Strathairn sneak in albeit it's unlikely. "Hustle & Flow's" Terrence Howard has little chance. The nomination alone has made him a star. Bottom line: It's a three-way dogfight between Hoffman, Phoenix, and Ledger but Hoffman should walk away with it.

BEST ACTRESS
This is a two-horse race between "Transamerica's" Felicity Huffman and "Walk the Line's" Reese Witherspoon. In all likelihood, Witherspoon's flawless performance as June Carter Cash will win out. The Academy may shy away from awarding TV star Huffman with a distinguished film award. That said, they did just that with "Mad About You's" Helen Hunt a decade ago for "As Good as it Gets," so anything's possible. The rest of the nominees don't stand a chance. Dame Judi Dench was terrific in "Mrs. Henderson Presents," but she's already got an Oscar. Ditto for "NorthCounty's" Charlize Theron, who won in this category for "Monster" just two years ago. Lastly, like Howard, Keira Knightley's surprise nomination for "Pride & Prejudice" is a reward in itself.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
"Cinderella Man's" Paul Giamatti will likely win here for his career and past Oscar snubs (respectively "American Splendor" and "Sideways"), but this category is a tough one to call. While he won the Golden Globe, it's not likely "George Clooney" will win for his portrayal in "Syriana." Chances are if the Academy were to reward him, it'd be for co-writing "Good Night." That leaves us with "A History of Violence's" William Hurt, already an Oscar winner, and first-time nominee Matt Dillon for "Crash." In a perfect world, Dillon wins to represent the film's fine cast and his harrowing performance as a racist cop. Bottom line: It's anyone's call, but Giamatti should win although my gut tells me it'll be Hurt.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
"Crash's" Thandie Newton belongs to be on this list, but isn't. As of now "The Constant Gardener's" Rachel Weisz has won nearly every recent award show in this category, but something tells me she won't win the gold guy. Look for "Capote's" Catherine Keener to win here for not only her performance here but her body of work. "Brokeback's" Michelle Williams is the stiffest competition. If there's a "Brokeback" sweep, look for the actress to win here. "North Country's" Frances McDormand, who already has a statue for another Minnesota story- "Fargo," and "Junebug's" Amy Adams, who's nomination alone put her on Hollywood's radar, round out the category. Bottomline: This category stands the best chance at a surprise.
BEST DIRECTOR
"Brokeback's" Ang Lee won just about every pre-Oscar honor. Considering he failed to win in this category for "Sense and Sensibility" and "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon," the director's a sure thing here. "Capote's" Bennett Miller, "Good Night's" George Clooney, "Crash's" Paul Haggis, and "Munich's" Steven Spielberg don't even come close. Bottom line: No contest.
In brief, the rest of the predictions
Adapted Screenplay: BrokebackMountain
Original Screenplay: Crash


Foreign Language Film: Paradise Now
Animated Film: Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-rabbit
Art Direction: Memoirs of a Geisha
Makeup: Star Wars: Episode III
Score: Memoirs of a Geisha
Original Song: Transamerica
Visual Effects: King Kong
Editing: Crash
Cinematography: BrokebackMountain
Costume Design: Memoirs of a Geisha
Documentary Feature: Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room
Documentary Short: The Death of Kevin Carter
Animated short: One Man Band
Live Action short: The Last Farm
Sound Editing: King Kong
Sound Mixing: King Kong
The Forgotscars: snubbed no more


archive: The Blond Bond


Moviewhore:
The Ken Phelps of movie columns

The Blond Bond by Shawshank Weiner
The rumors were true. It wasn't Clive Owen. Not Ewan McGregor. Hugh Jackman? Please, he's too busy tap-dancing somewhere. Yes, Daniel Craig snagged the coveted role of James Bond on Oct. 14, and no doubt many joined in unison by uttering a big: "eh, who?"
But, if "Layer Cake" was any indication, this relatively unknown Brit, who's perhaps best known for shagging model-turned-cokehead Kate Moss and perhaps Jude Law's ex- Sienna Miller, should make for a saucy spy in the forthcoming "Casino Royale. " But, what if he doesn't? Just in case, thecheappop.com has put together a list of seven actors who could take 007 and the Ian Fleming franchise to another level. Hey, you never know.

James Earl Jones:
It's time this actor got more credit than for breathing heavy in "Star Wars," and selling phonebooks in a god-awful fishermen's vest. Let's put this guy in a tux, and watch him win over the ladies with his charm and trademark baritone

Elton John:
The pop singer could really spice up the franchise. I mean, we've never had a Bond that wears a Donald Duck costume and bangs guys.

Christopher Lloyd:
Arguments were made against Pierce Brosnan's age, but why not go with an older, wiser, and dammit, American James Bond? This "Back to the Future" star needs a comeback like Courtney Love needs a good dose of heroin. Plus, Lloyd would supply the role with some much-needed zaniness.

Carson Daly:
Well, before you judge us, think about it: Daly bangs hot chicks (on second thought, let's take out Tara Reid), and so does Bond. Plus, the former TRL host and current late late late late late night talk show host could talk his villains to death or stare into the camera until his head explodes.

Bruno Kirby:
This gifted character actor has been out of movies for way too long. It's time for Hollywood to embrace him with arguably the biggest role in its rich history. Anyone who saw :"The Freshmen," knows Kirby can show his vulnerable and sexy side: just what the doctor ordered for Bond.

Paul Hogan:
Many fans of the Fleming series have lobbied for Australian stars Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe for 007. I say, why let them down? Paul Hogan of the classic comedy "Crocodile Dundee" and the endearing "Almost an Angel" would bring class and comedy to the role: two traits the series has had since its inception. Maybe the actor could bring along Cuba Gooding Jr. along for the ride. Damn that "Lightning Jack" gets me.

Jorge Garcia:
Dude, why not? For years, Bond has been a suave, slender son of a gun. Why not embrace "Lost's" lovable hefty actor? He likes his cake batter shaken not stirred.

irrelevent oscar nomination preview from last year


ARCHIVES



Brokeback" bandwagon
Predicting this year's Oscar nominations
By Jon Chattman

If all goes as predicted, the 78th Annual Academy Awards will be highlighted by homosexual cowboys, a transsexual, and a man in black. Yes, barring a cinematic miracle, when the Oscar nominations are announced on Tuesday morning, Jan. 31, "BrokebackMountain," "Transamerica," and "Walk the Line" will lead the charge. "BrokebackMountain," in particular, is expected to take in the most nods. The controversial film has already swept nearly every single pre-Oscar Awards there are. But, history has proven that there will be many surprises and omissions come nomination morning. With that, this journalist boldly goes where everybody has been before. Here are my predictions for who will pick up an Oscar nod later this month:

Best Picture
BrokebackMountain
Walk the Line
Munich
Good Night, and Good Luck
The Constant Gardener

Could sneak in:
Crash
A History of Violence
Capote
Match Point

Best Actor
David Straithairn (Good Night, and Good Luck)
Heath Ledger (BrokebackMountain)
Terrence Howard (Hustle & Flow)
Philip Seymour Hoffman (Capote)
Joaquin Phoenix (Walk the Line)

Could sneak in:
Jeff Daniels (The Squid and the Whale)
Eric Bana (Munich)
Russell Crowe (Cinderella Man)
Ralph Fiennes (The Constant Gardener)

Best Actress
Dame Judi Dench (Mrs. Henderson Presents)
Reese Witherspoon (Walk the Line)
Felicity Huffman (Transamerica)
Charlize Theron (North Country)
Naomi Watts (King Kong)

Could sneak in:
Laura Linney (The Squid and the Whale)
Gwyneth Paltrow (Proof)
Ziyi Zhang (Memoris of a Geisha)

Best Supporting Actor
George Clooney (Syriana)
Matt Dillon (Crash)
Paul Giamatti (Cinderella Man)
William Hurt (A History of Violence)
Bob Hoskins (Mrs. Henderson Presents)
Could sneak in:
Ed Harris (A History of Violence)
Terrence Howard (Crash)

Best Supporting Actress
Rachel Weisz (The Constant Gardener)
Michelle Williams (BrokebackMountain)
Amy Adams (Junebug)
Catherine Keener (Capote)
Shirley McClaine (In Her Shoes)

Could sneak in:
Maria Bello (A History of Violence)
Frances McDormand (North Country)
Thandie Newton (Crash)

Best Director:
David Cronenberg (A History of Violence)
Woody Allen (Match Point)
Ang Lee (BrokebackMountain)
Fernando Meirelles (The Constant Gardener)
James Mangold (Walk the Line)

Could sneak in:
Steven Spielberg (Munich)
Bennett Miller (Capote)
Terrence Malick (The New World)
Peter Jackson (King Kong)
George Clooney (Good Night, and Good Luck)

Best Original Screenplay
Crash
Good Night, and Good Luck
The Squid and the Whale
Paradise Now
Match Point

Could sneak in
The New World
Cinderella Man
Syriana
The 40-Year-Old Virgin

Best Adapted Screenplay
Capote
Walk the Line
A History of Violence
BrokebackMountain
The Constant Gardener

Could sneak in
Pride & Prejudice

In brief
Expect "Brokeback Mountain" to lead the pack with at least nine nominations. Look for "Memoirs of a Geisha" to pick up nods for costumes, make up, score, and art direction. "King Kong" should clean up in all technical categories especially sound, sound effecrs editing, and special effects. "The Chronicles of Narnia" will receive a handful of minor nominations, including score and song. "Syriana" is a lock for score and editing nominees. Look for two movie musicals to be shot out completely: "Rent" and "The Producers." The latter, however, may pick up a nod for best original song. Lastly, don't be surprised if "Crash" makes an unlikely big splash. The acclaimed film could be this year's sleeper. It'd be nice if the Academy honored some comedies and comedic performances, but don't expect it. "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" deserves a nod for screenplay, while Toni Collette deserves a shot for "In Her Shoes." Don't bet on it, though. Bet on "Brokeback" and other heavy dramas.


popscars didnt work... last year's nominees


popscars

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences have the Oscars. The Hollywood Foreign Press have The Golden Globes. Dick Clark has the American Music Awards. Alicia Keys has the Grammy's. Now, the cheap pop in cooperation with The Academy of Motion Picture Farts and Mustaches is pleased to announce its first annual popScars nominees . The awards honor the biggest and brightest stars in Hollywood, and when applicable, their mustaches. This year's winners will be announced on Sunday, March 5. Who will win the golden popsicle stick? Stay tuned!


popscars FILM
The Golden Popsicle (Best Film)
Crash
The 40-Year-Old Virgin
The Squid and the Whale
King Kong
Walk the Line
SinCity

The Cocky Poopie (Worst Flick of the Year, or of Any Year)
Elektra
Broken Flowers
Rumor Has It...
The Ringer
Fantastic Four
Fun with Dick & Jane

pop Rocker (Best Actor - lead or featured performance)
Heath Ledger (BrokebackMountain)
Philip Seymour Hoffman (Capote)
Matt Dillon (Crash)
David Straithairn (Good Night, and Good Luck)
Jeff Daniels (The Squid & the Whale)
Joaquin Phoenix (Walk the Line)

pop Tart (Best Actress - - lead or featured performance)
Charlize Theron (North Country)
Reese Witherspoon (Walk the Line)
Joan Allen (The Upside of Anger)
Toni Collette (In Her Shoes)
Thandie Newton (Crash)
Gwyneth Paltrow (Proof)

Best Bert (Best Supporting Mustache in a Motion Picture)
Jake Gyllenhaal (BrokebackMountain)
Billy Bob Thornton (Bad News Bears)
Gary Oldman (Batman Begins)
Randy Quaid (BrokebackMountain)
Jamie Foxx (Jarhead)
Ted Levine (Memoirs of a Geisha)

The 'Nice boots' Award (Hottest star of 2005)
Zhang Ziyi (Memoirs of a Geisha)
Jessica Alba (SinCity)
Chewbacca (Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith)
Eva Longoria (Desperate Housewives)
Jessica Simpson (The Dukes of Hazzard)
Evangeline Lilly (Lost)

"Hire a Better Editor" Award
Munich
Elizabethtown
BrokebackMountain
King Kong
The Producers
Syriana

The Career Suicide Award
Jim Carrey (Fun with Dick & Jane)
Jennifer Aniston (Rumor Has It...)
Piglet (Pooh's Heffalump Movie)
A pair of jeans (Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants)
Samuel L. Jackson (The Man)
Robin Williams (House of D)

Best Movie from a Previous Year Award (Honoring past films that got no credit)
Shaun of the Dead (2004)
The Professional (1994)
Beautiful Girls (1996)
Some Kind of Wonderful (1987)
Say Anything... (1989)
The Station Agent (2003)

popscars TV/Music

Best Wrestler of this or any year
Kurt Angle
AJ Styles
Hulk Hogan
Chris Jericho
Christian Cage
Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat

Best Music Group
System of a Down
The Strokes
Death Cab for Cutie
Weezer
Foo Fighters
The White Stripes

Best TV Show
Desperate Housewives
24
The Office
Lost
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Grey's Anatomy

Best TV Actor
Carlos Bernard (24)
Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm)
Terry O'Quinn (Lost)
Steve Carell (The Office)
Robert Knepper (Prison Break)
Kiefer Sutherland (24)

Best TV Actress
Eva Longoria (Desperate Housewives)
Marcia Cross (Desperate Housewives)
Cheryl Hines (Curb Your Enthusiasm)
Felicity Huffman (Desperate Housewives)
Sandra Oh (Grey's Anatomy)
Mary Lynn Rajskub (24)

The Golden Ball Hogg (Most Irritating and Overexposed Star of 2005)
Brangelina
Lindsay Lohan
Paris Hilton
Ashley Simpson
David Spade * (denotes a given every year)
Jamie Foxx

The Burt Reynolds Iconic Mustache Lifetime Achievement Award
Dennis Franz

last year's forgotscars


The Forgotcars:
Showing love to Oscar's forgotten
By Jon Chattman
Each year, it happens. Your favorite film, actor, actress, or director is snubbed by the Academy. This year, most worthy films and talent were honored, but alas, there were the few, the proud, who got the cold shoulder on Oscar nomination morning. With that, we honor the Oscar forgotten with our fourth annual "the Forgotscars." Be sure to send your picks to win via email (thecheappop@aol.com) by Feb. 27. Winners will not be awarded a gold statue or be able to attend a swanky party. They will, however, get some kind of recognition: something the Oscar voters failed to do.

Best Picture
Walk the Line
Match Point
King Kong
Proof
SinCity
Best Actor
Jeff Daniels (The Squid and the Whale)
Ralph Fiennes (The Constant Gardener)
Eric Bana (Munich)
Mickey Rourke (SinCity)
Russell Crowe (Cinderella Man)
Best Actress
Gwyneth Paltrow (Proof)
Toni Collette (In Her Shoes)
Naomi Watts (King Kong)
Joan Allen (The Upside of Anger)
Laura Linney (The Squid and the Whale)
Best Supporting Actor
Terrence Howard (Crash)
Anthony Hopkins (Proof)
Don Cheadle (Crash)
Bob Hoskins (Mrs. Henderson Presents)
Clifton Collins, Jr. (Capote)
Best Supporting Actress
Rosario Dawson (Rent)
Thandie Newton (Crash)
Shirley MacLaine (In Her Shoes)
Scarlett Johansson (Match Point)
Maria Bello (A History of Violence)
Best Director
Woody Allen (Match Point)
Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller (SinCity)
Christopher Nolan (Batman Begins)
Peter Jackson (King Kong)
James Mangold (Walk the Line)

Chuck Norris' Oscar picks last year


Chuck Norris’ Oscar Picks

I don't take the Oscars as seriously as the next guy. I don't buy into all the glitz and glamour. Now, I've never been nominated nor have I won a golden statue, but in the award show they call life, I'm nothing but a winner. I have a great family. I have a rare copy of "Delta Force 2: The Columbian Connection" on Laserdisc which I know one day, I will be able to play on some digital media player. I have the Lord by my side, and if prompted, I can kick your ass from here to next Tuesday even in a leap year. Yes, I'm a rare breed. I have it all and I've done it all. Now, don't get me wrong, it would be a fine honor to take home that nice-looking golden man they call Oscar. So with that, I'd like to predict this year's biggest races. I can tell you this right off the bat, ain't no movie about a bunch of kissing cowboys gonna tickle my fancy.
BEST PICTURE

Everybody says "BrokebackMountain" is going to win. Hollywood insiders say it broke the mold, and will inspire a bunch more movies to come out on similar subject matter. Chuck Norris says that better not happen. Listen up Hollywood, if you know what's good for you, you'll award the Best Picture Oscar to another movie, and I'll tell you this, it better not be to that other homoerotic movie "Capote." Everyone makes such a big deal about "Brokeback." Life was so hard for those gay cowboys. Yeah, right. Try ducking for Charlie in Vietnam. That was tough. Try holding a human heart in your hands. That's hard. Some rodeo cowboys frolicking in the snow? That's not hard at all, and it's far from a Best Picture. Try learning Tang Soo Do, Gyllenhaal. That takes skill, cowards! That's why Chuck Norris is voting for "Munich" as Best Picture. "Crash" and "Good Night, and Good Luck" are also nominated, but I won't vote for either. "Crash" was good in that black people call each other names, and "Good Night, and Good Luck" was in black and white, and everyone knows Chuck Norris doesn't watch black and white movies. but with "Munich," people blew shit up a whole hell of a lot, and terrorists were taken downtown to Chinatown... just like I did in my best films. I think I, Chuck Norris, launched the action genre. No need to thank me in your speech, Spielberg.

BEST ACTOR
Chuck Norris hates this category. Heath Ledger? Maybe for Best SissyMan. Philip Seymour Hoffman? Maybe for Best Man Parading Around Like a Woman. The rest of the actors make me want to punch 1970s entertainer Charo in the chest, but I'm choosing Joaquin Phoenix for "Walk the Line." Johnny Cash was a cool cat, and Chuck Norris really digs his music. I really identify with some of his songs. I understood where Johnny Cash was coming from. He's a hero just like me. People grow up wanting to be him, maybe not much as me, but they do, and Phoenix captured that to a tee. Anyway, the two other actors can piss in my boots: David Straithairn and Terrence Howard. That "Hustle & Flow" thinks he's a tough guy or something? Slapping women and cursing with his hip hop music. Let's see that guy come to man to man and see what happens. I was an undefeated Professional World Middleweight Karate Champion. My beard alone could kick his ass.

BEST ACTRESS
Judi Dench is a British old women who looks like a farm animal. While it's inappropriate to hit a woman, I would not resist should she cross my path. I would kick her in the stomach repeatedly and make her know how I felt while watching "Mrs. Henderson Presents." It is a terrible film that makes my biceps cry. Reese Witherspoon is a firecracker in "Walk the Line," and she deserves to win. I'd like to bed her. You know? If I weren't married I would take her into my bedroom like old caveman times. But I can't do that, so I'll vote for her here instead. The other nominees can take a dump in the ocean for all I care. I'm not going to even name them. Alright, Charlize Theron, I'll name because she used to be good looking but turned into a lesbian tomboy in the stupid movie she's nominated for. Try fighting for your country, Charlize. Do something constructive, wench.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
In a perfect world, Lee Marvin is in this category dead or alive. But, he's not and for that I weep like a little school girl in gym class. George Clooney grew a beard and added a lot of weight to play some government person in "Syriana." Give that man an Oscar. If I gained weight, Christie Brinkley would give me a beating. One has to abstain from sweets and high-caloric food. I always stay away from fatty foods and fried appetizers. I stay on a strict regimine, so you won't be seeing Chuck Norris do that for a movie role no way, no how. I'd rather die in a freak bedwetting accident then add pounds to my perfect figure. I'm not even telling you the list of the other nominees because I'm feeling sick and have to go work out.

BEST DIRECTOR
I'm not Nostradumus or whatever his name is, but this one's easy. They're going to give the award to Ang Lee for his gay cowboy picture. Why? Because Hollywood is filled with gay liberals. The director in me, (I also executive produced "Walker: Texas Ranger" by the way), would give it to Spielberg for making that kickass action movie "Munich." It's nice for a movie not to have a message with it. It's cool to see a movie that's just saying "look we're gonna blow stuff up and kill terrorists" and that's it. No hidden agenda. No nothing... a straight shoot'em up.

Nick Kroll pop interview - Oct. 2006

Let them eat challah:
Nick Kroll discusses Bar Mitzvah Disco

By Dan Israeli,October 2006 for thecheappop.com

It's a time-honored tradition in the Jewish religion. Every time a young boy or girl reaches their teenage years, they are automatically deemed ready for adulthood. And what better way is there to acknowledge this significant moment in time then to throw a big, lavish party?
Over the years, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah has become as much of a cultural right of passage as it is a religious one. It is a time for budding Jewish youths to be embraced by their families and friends, on a day marked by individual accomplishment, joyous entertainment and an influx of bundles and bundles of cash. But nothing epitomizes the ceremony more than the grand soirees held in the evening, usually large catered affairs, with live music and the ever-important Bar Mitzvah theme (examples include Hollywood, the animal kingdom or the very popular tropical paradise).
Obviously, such a widespread phenomenon needed to be documented - and definitely with photos. Nick Kroll is an actor/comedian/writer (you may have caught him on VH1's Best Week Ever) , and one of the three co-authors of Bar Mitzvah Disco, an illustrated account spanning over 25 years of Bar/Bat Mitzvahs across the country (and even one across the globe). Released in 2005, the Random House publication has grown into a critical and commercial hit, putting the Bar Mitzvah celebration back into the spotlight where it belongs.

What were your like childhood years like? How about the details of your own personal Bar Mitzvah experience ?
I was born over in Tarrytown , but grew up in the "tough streets" of Rye [ New York ]. It was very difficult - we didn't even have our own tennis court. After attending Solomon Schechter (a Jewish private school) in White Plains , I went to high school at Rye Country Day, which was a very diverse school. I think there were three black kids total. After that, I attended Georgetown University for college. As for my Bar Mitzvah, the whole occasion was held at the Jewish Community Center of Harrison. I had a world theme, with flags and globes. I was an internationalist at the time, and have since become an isolationist because of my Bar Mitzvah experience. In my double-breasted suit, I remember feeling like a mini corporate lawyer who just failed to make partner. All in all, it was a somewhat lavish, but tasteful event.

When did you decide you wanted to get into comedy/acting? Were you always an outspoken kid growing up, or is it something you picked up later in life?

From early on, I always knew that I liked performing. I even played the role of Pharoah in my second grade play of Exodus. Growing up, I would act out "Wayne's World" sketches with my good friend. I took acting classes in high school, and at college I discovered Improv. After that I taught comedy to kids for an after school program. It went well, but I eventually decided to further pursue my [acting/comedy] career. It was still a great job, and something I took a lot out of. Once you start teaching, you kind of realize what you know and what you don't know. And I still talk to some of the kids, some of who are very funny.

What was your experience like coming up in the NYC comedy scene? Was it a struggle to make a name for yourself?
At first, I started taking classes at the UCB [Upright Citizens Brigade] Theater (a popular Improv spot in Chelsea ). I also made some short films and did some commercials, but it really all started with UCB. I preferred doing the offbeat stuff involved with Improv over "stand-up" based material. My current show is called "Oh, Hello" which I perform with my friend John Mulaney. In it, we play two middle-aged widowers from the Upper West Side who are obsessed with Alan Alda. I have also written for "Chappelle's Show" and have done stuff for Comedy Central's"Motherload" (a series of web shows). In this line of work, you really need to jump wholeheartedly into it. You really need to make it your life.

How did the idea for Bar Mitzvah Disco come about? What was the creative process involved in compiling the material, and getting some special guests to contribute?
We were all hanging out (Nick and his partners Roger Bennett and Jules Shell) looking through our Bar Mitzvah photos. We all grew up in different places, with different parallels to our respective celebrations. We decided to put up a website as a lark, and got friends and family to send in their photos as well. From that point it just blew up, and became a lot bigger than we envisioned. We realized Bar Mitzvahs were prisms to a view of American culture and family. These photos and accounts took a look at who we were and what we've become. It was then we decided to turn it into a book. As for the contributors, some of them we knew, and others (like comedian Sarah Silverman) we had to reach out to. About 99 percent of the people we contacted thought it would be hilarious. They got the concept, and loved it.

How has your life changed since BMD became a cult, and now mainstream hit? Do people approach you about how it has personally reached them?
Yes, and people from all over the place. It's really a small world. The response has been overwhelming positive, and not just from people who personally experienced having Bar Mitzvahs. It's interesting to see how many Jews ands non-Jews attended friends' Bar Mitzvahs throughout their lives. The response has basically been, "you guys have captured what it's like to be 13." What I have also found interesting are all the parents who have identified with the book. The truth is they experienced these moments, too. We all share these memories, and all with our own take. And it's because the book covers so many universal themes, from culture to religion to suburbanization.

Finally, what else do you have lined up? Are there any plans to expand BMD into another medium, and what other projects are you working on?
Right now we [Kroll, along with Bennett and Shell] are gathering more photos and videos for a documentary film, and are also signing the rights for a BMD musical. While I won't be involved, my partners Jules and Roger will be releasing a follow-up to BMD called the "Camp Camp Project," a book all about the childhood experience of summer camp. As for the BMD documentary, it's still up in the air as to how we are going about it. It really depends on the quality of the stuff we are gathering, as we continue to receive videos. But just like when we created the book, it's best for the story to tell itself. We don't want to go into specifics on how it should come about. Our belief is that BMD is a story of generations and that's why people identify with it. As for my New York shows, "Oh, Hello" will return to the UCB Theater on October 27. It can also be seen regularly at Rififi in downtown New York , every Thursday at 8 p.m.

For more on Nick Kroll check out http://www.NickKroll.com... For thecheappop archives scroll below...
To check out a cool guy who does Bar Mitzvahs, email Jon's dad - GaryChatty@aol.com

Jonscar Winners Announced...


You don't care but I do and here they are... the annual Jonscar winners this year...

little miss sunshine wins seven;

pans labrynith wins four;

children of men wins three

Best picture
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Best actor
LEONARDO DICAPRIO (THE DEPARTED)
Best actress
JUDI DENCH (NOTES ON A SCANDAL)
Best supporting actor
PAUL DANO (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
Best supporting actress
RINKO KIKUCHI (BABEL)
Best director
GUILLERMO DEL TORO (PAN’S LABRYNITH)
Performance of the year

RINKO KIKUCHI (BABEL)
Best original screenplay
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Best adapted screenplay
CHILDREN OF MEN
Best score
BABEL
Best song
STAR MILE (THE LAST KISS)
Best villain
SERGI LOPEZ (PAN’S LABRYNITH)
Best cinematography
CHILDREN OF MEN
Best editing

CHILDREN OF MEN
Best art direction
PAN’S LABRYNITH
Best breakthrough
GUILLERMO DEL TORO (PAN’S LABRYNITH)
Best comeback
SYLVESTOR STALLONE (ROCKY BALBOA)
Best costumes
MARIE ANTOINETTE
Best performance in a bad or so so movie
SAMUEL L. JACKSON (FREEDOMLAND)
Best comedic performance
SASHA BARON COHEN (BORAT)
Best debut lead in a feature film
SHAREEKA EPPS (HALF NELSON)
Best comedy
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Best scene stealer
ALAN ARKIN (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
Best feel good movie
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Best performance by an actor in multiple films
SASHA BARON COHEN (BORAT/TALLEDGA NIGHTS)
Best effects
SUPERMAN RETURNS
Best ensemble
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Best performance by a young adult/child actor
ABIGAIL BRESLIN (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
Best duo
WILL & JADEN SMITH (THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS)
Best movie moment/sequence
OLIVE’S DANCE (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)

Friday, February 23, 2007

Bald and Dangerous Vol. 2

bad PR = good PR

Bertometer: Judge Korda


the 11th annual Jonscars nominees...


Here are the nominees ... winners Sunday, February 25th!

Best picture
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
V FOR VENDETTA
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
CHILDREN OF MEN
PANS LABRYNITH
BABEL
THE DEPARTED
NOTES ON A SCANDAL
STRANGER THAN FICTION

Best actor
WILL SMITH (THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS)
RYAN GOSLING (HALF NELSON)
PETER O’TOOLE (VENUS)
LEONARDO DICAPRIO (THE DEPARTED)
GREG KINNEAR (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
FOREST WHITAKER (THE LAST KING OF SCOTLAND)

Best actress
HELLEN MIRREN (THE QUEEN)
JUDI DENCH (NOTES ON A SCANDAL)
MERYL STREEP (THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA)
KATE WINSLET (LITTLE CHILDREN)
NATALIE PORTMAN (V FOR VENDETTA)

Best supporting actor
PAUL DANO (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
ALAN ARKIN (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
SERGI LOPEZ (PANS LABRYNITH)
EDDIE MURPHY (DREAMGIRLS)
DJIMON HOUNSOU (BLOOD DIAMOND)
KAZUNARI NINOMIYA (LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA)
MICHAEL SHEEN (THE QUEEN)
BILL NIGHY (NOTES ON A SCANDAL)

Best supporting actress
ADRIANA BARRAZA (BABEL)
CATE BLANCHETT (NOTES ON A SCANDAL)
JENNIFER HUDSON (DREAMGIRLS)
ABIGAIL BRESLIN (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
SHAREEKA EPPS (HALF NELSON)
MARIBEL VERDU (PANS LABRYNITH)
ANJELINA JOLIE (THE GOOD SHEPHERD)
RINKO KIKUCHI (BABEL)

Best director
BRYAN SINGER (SUPERMAN RETURNS)
JONATHAN DAYTON AND VALERIE FARIS (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
ALFONSO CUARON (CHILDREN OF MEN)
CLINT EASTWOOD (LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA)
GUILLERMO DEL TORO (PANS LABRYNITH)
MARTIN SCORSESE (THE DEPARTED)
JAMES MCTIEGUE (V FOR VENDETTA)

Best original screenplay
PANS LABRYNITH
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
BABEL
THE GOOD SHEPHERD
STRANGER THAN FICTION

Best adapted screenplay
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
CHILDREN OF MEN
LITTLE CHILDREN
THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA
NOTES ON A SCANDAL
THE DEPARTED
V FOR VENDETTA

Best score
NOTES ON A SCANDAL
BABEL
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
BLOOD DIAMOND
PANS LABRYNITH
THE FOUNTAIN
THE HOLIDAY
CHILDREN OF MEN
V FOR VENDETTA

Best song
PICK OF DESTINY – TENACIOUS D IN THE PICK OF DESTINY
LISTEN - DREAMGIRLS
STAR MILE – THE LAST KISS
BEEZELBOSS – TENACIOUS D IN THE PICK OF DESTINY
YOU KNOW MY NAME – CASINO ROYALE

Best villain
SERGI LOPEZ (PANS LABRYNITH)
MERYL STREEP (THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA)
JACK NICHOLSON (THE DEPARTED)
MATT DAMON (THE DEPARTED)
SASHA BARON COHEN (TALLADEGA NIGHTS)
KEVIN SPACEY (SUPERMAN RETURNS)

Best cinematography
LITTLE CHILDREN
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
THE DEPARTED
V FOR VENDETTA
BLOOD DIAMOND
CHILDREN OF MEN
PANS LABRYNITH
BABEL

Best art direction
MARIE ANTOINETTE
CHILDREN OF MEN
DREAMGIRLS
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
PANS LABRYNITH
V FOR VENDETTA

Best breakthrough
WILL FERRELL (STRANGER THAN FICTION)
BEYONCE KNOWLES (DREAMGIRLS)
JENNIFER HUDSON (DREAMGIRLS)
TAMMY BLANCHARD (THE GOOD SHEPHERD)
GUILLERMO DEL TORO (PANS LABRYNITH)
STEVE CARELL (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
BRANDON ROUTH (SUPERMAN RETURNS)

Best costumes
DREAMGIRLS
PANS LABRYNITH
MARIE ANTOINETTE

Best performance in a bad or so so movie
SAMUEL L. JACKSON (FREEDOMLAND)
HUGH JACKMAN (THE FOUNTAIN)
ANNETTE BENING (RUNNING WITH SCISSORS)

Best comedic performance
ADAM SANDLER (CLICK)
SASHA BARON COHEN (BORAT)
OWEN WILSON (YOU, ME, AND DUPREE)
WILL FERRELL (TALLADEGA NIGHTS)
ALAN ARKIN (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
MERYL STREEP (THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA)

Best debut lead in a feature film
CLAIRE-HOPE ASHITEY (CHILDREN OF MEN)
JADEN SMITH (THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS)
IVANA BAQUERO (PANS LABRYNITH)
SHAREEKA EPPS (HALF NELSON)
BRANDON ROUTH (SUPERMAN RETURNS)

Best comedy
TALLADEGA NIGHTS
BORAT
TENACIOUS D
FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE

Best feel good movie
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
STRANGER THAN FICTION
ROCKY BALBOA
HAPPY FEET
THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS
SUPERMAN RETURNS

Best performance by an actor in multiple films
WILL FERRELL (TALLADEGA NIGHTS/STRANGER THAN FICTION)
HUGH JACKMAN (THE PRESTIGE/THE FOUNTAIN/SCOOP/X3/HAPPY FEET)
MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL (SHERRYBABY/STRANGER THAN FICTION)
KATE WINSLET (THE HOLIDAY/LITTLE CHILDREN)
CLIVE OWEN (INSIDE MAN/CHILDREN OF MEN)
ALEC BALDWIN (RUNNING WITH SCISSORS/THE DEPARTED/THE GOOD SHEPHERD)
CATE BLANCHETT (BABEL/NOTES ON A SCANDAL)
SASHA BARON COHEN (BORAT/TALLEDGA NIGHTS)

Best effects
SUPERMAN RETURNS
PANS LABRYNITH
CASINO ROYALE
POSEIDON

Best ensemble
PANS LABRYNITH
LITTLE CHILDREN
THE DEPARTED
THE GOOD SHEPHERD
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
STRANGER THAN FICTION
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
FRIENDS WITH MONEY

Best performance by a young adult/child actor
JADEN SMITH (THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS)
IVANA BAQUERO (PANS LABRYNITH)
SHAREEKA EPPS (HALF NELSON)
ABIGAIL BRESLIN (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)

Best movie moment/sequence
OLIVE’S DANCE (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
ROCKY END FIGHT (ROCKY BALBOA)
ROCKY TRAINING SEQUENCE (ROCKY BALBOA)
“I AM TELLING YOU” (DREAMGIRLS)
WILL SMITH GETS THE JOB (THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS)
FINALE (PANS LABRYNITH)
PORTMAN’S TORTURE REVEALED (V FOR VENDETTA)

Performance of the year
WILL SMITH (THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS)
HELLEN MIRREN (THE QUEEN)
RINKO KIKUCHI (BABEL)
MERYL STREEP (THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA)
PAUL DANO (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
ALAN ARKIN (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
JUDI DENCH (NOTES ON A SCANDAL)
PETER O’TOOLE (VENUS)

Bertometer: Hulk Hogan


Ho Ho Ho!


This was pulled from the original site because Santa complained that he looked way to fat in the photo...

Bertometer: Man At Arms


Bertometer:Bernie


Remember where you came from..

Wear shades inside... inflate that ego... win an Oscar... perform on the Grammys... but we'll always remember you this way, Jamie Foxx.

Stache of the Day

You have the right to remain fabulous.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

You knock him down how 'bout tryin' knockin' me down

"Stay in school and use your brain. Be a doctor, be a lawyer, carry a leather briefcase. Forget about sports as a profession. Sports make ya grunt and smell. See, be a thinker, not a stinker."
- Apollo Creed

Captain Obvious presents..Dido

Captain Obvious presents
10 words that come to my mind when I think of singer Dido:

1) Delicate
2) Granola
3) Florida
4) Music
5) Sandwiches
6) Seagulls
7) Sunset
8) Bagels
9) Piano
10) Quiche

Captain Obvious presents 11 things I'd like to see in "Memoirs of a Geisha"


Captain Obvious presents 11 things I'd like to see in "Memoirs of a Geisha"
12/10/05
1) McGruff the crimefighting dog solving key plot twists
2) Ken Watanabe's secret fascination with Richard Simmons' "Sweating to the Oldies" tapes
3) Vic Tayback of "Alice" brought back to life via CGI
4) Tyne Daly reading an excerpt of "The Bridges of Madison County"
5) A Michael Bay car explosion
6) Dontrelle Willis of the Florida Marlins questioning Ziyi Zhang about the team's recent firesale
7) Scrooge McDuck spreading Christmas cheer
8) Chow Yun Fat selling yogurt
9) Former professional wrestler George "The Animal" Steele smelling cherry blossoms
10) Sigourney Weaver killing aliens
11) Dick Butkis in a Kimono

thecheappop.com on metsblog.com


ch-check it out...



Hey First Lady..


nice stickers!!

Stache of the Day!


We salute you Mr. Spacely!

Send it...


another one of our original logos...

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

A CLASSIC!


Thanks Jimmy...

"Scandal" action figures...

The buzz of the winter has been the suspense drama “Notes on a Scandal”, and movie distributors were quick to feed the fan frenzy by unveiling actions figures based on the characters on the movies. Chatrooms, blogs and hundreds of fan pages on the popular site “MySpace” have been popping up as fans voice their love and opinions on the flick.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Captain Obvious presents


Captain Obvious presents
19 things I would do if I had a vagina...

Originally published on: 12/15/05
1) I'd like get pregnant and shit
2) I'd wear a bra
3) I'd look good dancing
4) I'd shop until I'd drop
5) I'd hate men
6) I'd really identify with Ellen DeGeneris
7) I'd wear high heels
8) I'd take baths
9) I'd like do stuff
10) I'd wear dresses and people wouldn't look at me funny
11) I'd see "Brokeback Mountain" and like it
12) I'd have a period once a month
13) I'd really dig Sarah MacLachlan
14) I'd chew bubblegum loadly
15) I'd play shuffleboard
16) I'd have a crush on Willie Nelson
17) I'd watch "Charmed" and "the OC" and like it
18) I'd have sex with men often
19) I'd read books

Stache of the Day

All Star stache from a bball throwback...


Stronger than Yesterday

Oops, I did it again... I'm a dog-faced gremlin

"Do not go in there!"

We liked you better when you were talking out of your ass... you know... literally.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Dog Pound

Is it better to be a has been or a never was? Arsenio... please weigh in here...

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Nice Mustache...


Happy President's Day from your friends at thecheappop!

Captain Obvious' I'm Too Sexy...


Caption Obvious presents..
"I'm Too Sexy" For This Article,
for thecheappop.com 2005

So, People Magazine wants to name Matthew McCoughnay the "sexiest man" alive? Please! I mean that guy pumps out more bad movies than Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton combined! Sure, he's got the looks and the pecs but doesn't artistic expression play into this at all? I mean maybe if People wanted to have a contest for most sexiest naked bongo player, McCoughnay (that's spelled wrong on purpose people) would be a shoo-in. I'm heterosexual, but I can name at least five dudes who I'd rather shag... you know, if I were gay. Here's the very first Captain Obvious Most Sexiest List... It's a top 8 list... why only 8... because it's time for pasta:
1) Wilfred Brimley: This lovable crusty man is not only a fine actor, but once sold me some oatmeal. He scores even more points because he uttered the word "fart" in "Cocoon."
2) Nelson Mandela: Hey, why not? All this guy's ever asked for is freedom... This is America, People Magazine!
3) Neil Diamond: Turn on your heartlight? More like turn on your heartthrob! This singer/songwriter makes not only girls moan but heterosexual and homosexual guys too! Something tells me if he brought back those porkchop sideburns, he would've edged out that "Sahara" actor - easy.
4) Al Roker: I ask for the news, and this sexy-now-somewhat-slender African American gives me the weather.
5) KD Lang: If only she had a penis.
6) Victor Zambrano: This New York Mets pitcher didn't have much value, but he's got kind of a unibrow and if Salma Hayek has thought us anything, it's unibrows are cool.
7) Adam Curry: This radio host and former MTV God hasn't been seen on television for years, but something tells me that big blond mullet is alive and well and just waiting to be pictured on the People pages.
8) Chris Elliot: "Get a Life?" More like get thee to a photo shoot. This sexy, underrated comedian, who made appearances on "Everybody Loves Raymond" and "There's Something About Mary," must look like an Adonis without his shirt.
Caption Obvious presents..
"I'm Too Sexy" For This Article

So, People Magazine wants to name Matthew McCoughnay the "sexiest man" alive? Please! I mean that guy pumps out more bad movies than Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton combined! Sure, he's got the looks and the pecs but doesn't artistic expression play into this at all? I mean maybe if People wanted to have a contest for most sexiest naked bongo player, McCoughnay (that's spelled wrong on purpose people) would be a shoo-in. I'm heterosexual, but I can name at least five dudes who I'd rather shag... you know, if I were gay. Here's the very first Captain Obvious Most Sexiest List... It's a top 8 list... why only 8... because it's time for pasta:
1) Wilfred Brimley: This lovable crusty man is not only a fine actor, but once sold me some oatmeal. He scores even more points because he uttered the word "fart" in "Cocoon."
2) Nelson Mandela: Hey, why not? All this guy's ever asked for is freedom... This is America, People Magazine!
3) Neil Diamond: Turn on your heartlight? More like turn on your heartthrob! This singer/songwriter makes not only girls moan but heterosexual and homosexual guys too! Something tells me if he brought back those porkchop sideburns, he would've edged out that "Sahara" actor - easy.
4) Al Roker: I ask for the news, and this sexy-now-somewhat-slender African American gives me the weather.
5) KD Lang: If only she had a penis.
6) Victor Zambrano: This New York Mets pitcher didn't have much value, but he's got kind of a unibrow and if Salma Hayek has thought us anything, it's unibrows are cool.
7) Adam Curry: This radio host and former MTV God hasn't been seen on television for years, but something tells me that big blond mullet is alive and well and just waiting to be pictured on the People pages.
8) Chris Elliot: "Get a Life?" More like get thee to a photo shoot. This sexy, underrated comedian, who made appearances on "Everybody Loves Raymond" and "There's Something About Mary," must look like an Adonis without his shirt.

Polar Express derails


Retro review of The Polar Express... for thecheappop.com


Derailed:
Thanks Mr. Conductor, get me the F off
November 29, 2005
By Maury Rosenbaum

They can keep putting "The Polar Express" back in the theaters, re-release it on IMAX screens, put it on DVD shelves- heck throw it up on one of those frickin' old school View Finders, and one thing is simply not going to change: the movie sucks ass. For the children who skipped it last year, and the parents who have yet to drag their Christian offspring to it, here's the deal: Robert Zemekis and Tom Hanks reteamed last holiday season to bring a creepy computer animated film about Christmas where all of the characters look disturbingly awkward. They're not human, they're not cartoons... WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY? Nobody knows... Well, if anyone does, it's Tom Hanks who plays about half a dozen characters in the film. The film's story centers on Santa Claus and whether or not the red and white fucker is real or not... why? Because one boy stops believing... guess the kid didn't get the memo his parents sent that Saint Nick is about as real as Courtney Love's heroin addiction (oh wait, that's a shitty pun)... Anyways, on Christmas Eve, the doubting alien boy wakes up and much to his surprise isn't woken by a sleigh or reindeer bells, but a fucking steam engine. Yeah, okay whatever, Tom Hanks. You're full of shit! So, anyway this conductor invites him on board to take a journey to the North Pole with many apparently homeless children. Eventually, SPOILER ALERT, the kid finds out there is a Santa. Fuck that shit! So, as you can see, this movie offers nothing new to the holiday genre. Throw it up on screens in 3D, make it somehow play on the microwave oven... shit, make it blow me for $5, and "The Polar Express" will keep on sucking. But, I digress, it'll keep coming back like herpes! And Mr. Hanks, throw Peter Scolari a bone would ya!?!

Bertometer: Jules


Bertometer: Betty White


Mr. Teabag: Top 9 Bitches with Attitude


Bertometer: Dr. Phil


Bertometer: Rudy Ray Moore


Retro Captain Obvious


The Cheap Pop's World of Captain Obvious
Captain Obvious presents - 2/16/06

Things I know in 2006
10. Meg White still won't be able to sing
9. The West Wing will head South
8. Gorillaz will remain animated
7. I will urinate on the toilet seat
6. The Yankees will buy another Pennant
5. Beastie Boys will play "Root Down" at some point
4. I will have a really witty answer for number two
3. Jimmy Eat World will actually digest earth
2. Dick Butkis won't be on the Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover
1. My cell phone plan will expire

Sara of Tegan & Sara


Here's our interview last year...


Sara smiles
1/2 of Tegan and Sara chats with thecheappop
By Jon Chattman, for thecheappop.com

They say two is better than one. We're fine settling. We recently chatted with Sara Quin of Tegan and Sara, the singer/songwriter identical twin tandem, and asked her about sharing the road, and a group with a twin. Oh, and because they're from Canada, Rick Moranis naturally came up.

thecheappop) Originally you were known as Sara and Tegan. Why the name switch? Sibling rivalry?
sara) No, there is no sibling rivalry. We changed our name because we thought that the name "Tegan" would stand out more than "Sara" when of course in reality, "Sara" has a much stronger personality in real life....


thecheappop) Speaking of which, do you feel each other's pain?

sara) No, and we don't have any other magical powers.


thecheappop) But do you ever finish each other's sentences/lyrics/hooks?

sara) There is something amazing about being able to double your vocals on stage, and have them sound similar. Obviously, we compliment one another harmonically.
We occasionally talk over one another, and "finish" each others sentences...but its annoying, so we try not to.


thecheappop) Moving on, how'd the White Stripes' cover of your song come about? That must've been awesome for you guys.

sara) They were covering it live, and then we got word that they were going to record it, which we were thrilled about. Meg brought us a copy of the song while we were in Detroit doing a show, and told us that they were going to release it on a single. We love the band and think its an honor to hear them sing a song that we wrote!


thecheappop) Keeping with that (other acts digging your music), Matt Sharp played with you guys. What do you think about the rumors of a Rentals reunion?

sara) I recently met the new "Rentals" and Matt seems thrilled. I love him like a brother and I am so glad that he is doing this project. He is so talented and I am looking forward to hearing new songs!


thecheappop) Same here. What music do you guys listen to on the road?

sara) We listen to all sorts of things....lately...John Vanderslice, Lady Sovereign, Madonna, Six Organs of Admittance, Tom Vek, Laura Veirs

thecheappop) Fresh. You're both from Vancouver. What's the best thing to come out of Canada? Rick Moranis?

sara) Well, I like Rick, but in our business, I guess I would say artists like Leonard Cohen, Neil Young and Joni Mitchell are legends to me. I think the new crop of music is also very strong and in terms of other arts, Canadians seem to be experiencing a great increase in visibility around the world.


thecheappop) Shameless plug time. Last question, what's the good word on your fifth album and upcoming DVD?

sara) The DVD will hopefully come out in the summer. We are waiting for aliens to release to us the masters so we can manufacture... The new record, hopefully we will begin work on it in the summer and it will come out in the winter or spring of '07!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Bald and Dangerous

Today we salute a man whose ego is writing checks that his body can't cash... this Bud's for you, James Tolkan.

Hey Remember Me?!?


Buying a car these days just isn't the same....